Random Ramblings

Just an observation... on "rockstar lifestyles," culture gaps, fandoms, and "looks"

Sat, 28 Nov 2009 15:28:54 GMT

There was a "behind the music" thing on TV for the band Poison, and it was talking about all the drugs and sex going on backstage and how the partying is, how it ruined them, and blahblahblah. It was pretty interesting, though... in light of what I've been seeing.
I dunno, I guess I was looking at what Dir en grey do backstage on the Youtubes, and it... wasn't that. Here in America, we expect backstage debauchery - but instead, they play ping-pong, do staff-people's hair, get their makeup on, practice, sit and fidget around, smoke a lot, say a prayer, and go onstage. It seems so much more... professional. XD Like performers, instead of rich shitheads.
I worry about musicians losing their voices from abuse, but American rockstars can lose everything from abusing all of themselves...

I'm sure there's bands in the US that aren't so debauched, and some in Japan who are, but still - it's an interesting comparison. I'm also sure that the reason WHY things are like that is because of Japan's culture - I'm sure it's wholly unacceptable for groupies to throw themselves at band members, or for you to show up to work (essentially) stoned out of your mind. I mean, this is coming from a culture where you don't tip - PERIOD. I don't know, though. I'm just basing off of assumptions, so correct me if I'm wrong.
Also, Diru seems to uh... sing against, at least, the sort of decadence and madness of society.. so it's harder to see them being that way?
I wonder how this also plays into what happens when Japanese bands go on tour in America, where groupies hope to sneak backstage? I wonder if they get really offended... XD
And I wonder if j-rock stars DO get drug problems, and the like, but we just never hear about them - because Americans love a scandal, but Japanese act like problems don't exist..

The only clue I found on the internet (about groupies) confirmed my assumptions:
From the guitarist of Tsuberukurin: Japanese rock groupies apparently aren't like band groupies in the west. "We enjoy being flattered by our groupies, but, it's not like we fool around with them. I don't know about foreign groupies, but Japanese groupies don't offer themselves to us. They always come to our gigs to bring a lot of excitement. Japanese groupies are into the `fashion.' Since we are known as a `visual rock band', wearing hardcore and crazy fashions, our groupies try to fit in with us by coming to our gigs and dressing in crazy and sexy ways too. They relate to us by mimicking our style. In other words, they want to have a spiritual connection with us. I find our groupies are cute and touching. We don't have to fool around with them. I just enjoy watching them."

DX Why can't Americans be more like that?

Also, if I hear another "OMG I LOVE [insert j-rocker here] SO MUCH, HE IS MY HUSBAND" I will strangle them - over the internet. Also, irritating about American j-rock fans in particular, is the propensity to love a band just because they're Japanese. And subsequently worship the members because they are cute, Japanese, and in a band.
NOOOOOO.
Agh. I loved Diru's music first and foremost - when I was first showed them, I was blown away by how good the MUSIC was - the instrumentals and the vocals, how tight and well-done it all was. I loved Kyo's voice when I had no idea what he was saying, but could still feel it. And as I find out more about them - the lyrics, the meaning, the visual, the flash, the personalities, the shows - it adds more layers of it to love, but the root of it all is damn good music. I'm glad, in a way, I formed an opinion on their music before seeing the whole picture - which is a wonderful picture - but one that can obscure the music. I wonder if that's why they're more subdued now..?

I wonder also how much of the picture makes up a band? Like, there was a band in high school, just sophomores, but they were FANTASTIC. Well composed, well performed - but they lacked any sort of visual flash. They just stood around and played their instruments. How much of bands is the 'performance' part, as opposed to just the music? I think it's everything together that can make a band - but first is music, close second is stage presence/performance (and the ability to ACTUALLY SING AND MAKE your music) and third is looks. Looks aren't nearly as important as the first two, and yet many people think they are....
But like, I love some of Dir en grey's looks, but I love their music disregarding their looks. I love Kisou, but I don't really care for their fashion statement at the time. XD (at least, I think that's Kisou's fashion...) But that doesn't make me love the music any less.

But maybe that's just how I experience music. I didn't really go out there looking for it until not too long ago.. I'm also somewhat superficial? in the bands I like - I tend to like sexy-sounding vocalists. :P But that's not a rule, I suppose. I guess what I mean by "how I experience music" is that I would fall in love with band's music first, like on the radio, and then be totally thrown for a loop by what the people look like, and their visual/stage aspects. Now that effect is dwindling with the internet and youtube at my fingertips... I wonder how that affects music, too? Like "video killed the radio star" in hyperdrive...

Any thoughts?

Happy Thanksgiving!

Wed, 25 Nov 2009 15:58:32 GMT

I won't be online much, if at all, for the next couple of days, because I'm going home~! I hope that everyone has a good break and eats lots of delicious food. : ]

I'm hoping to get my head together and rest up just a bit, at least until this weekend, and catch up with everyone at home. I feel bad for not coming home very often at all lately, but I've been busy. I only hope that everyone at least tries to play nice, and the drama doesn't get bad. o_o I'm just looking to enjoy time with my family! Please, grant me that much. XD

I hope everything goes well for everyone. This is my first Thanksgiving where I'm "coming home" from somewhere else, so it's an interesting phenomenon to me. :3

Anyway, enough rambling. Have a good time, and remember what you're thankful for!
PEACE OUT! XD

Sun, 15 Nov 2009 21:01:57 GMT

"Don't Humans feel at ease by hurting other people?
Why do you look so disgusted?
Deep inside, you deceive yourself with things you don't
know, right?"

...Interesting... :D

Fri, 06 Nov 2009 04:45:58 GMT

Well, the V mask went over well. I *almost* trolled the trolling preacher (I think he's a liar, acting, saying things that'll purposely get a reaction from the crowd) but I didn't. A couple of guys behind me were like "remember remember the fifth of november!!" and a (possibly homeless) man took my picture on his cell phone. XD Epshteyn gave me weird looks, and the kids in the hall/my class were amused. : ] This has been the best reaction - usually I get odd stares, and haven't had the chance to wear it out much, so it was fun this year. YAY 3RD YEAR STRONG. XD
And I didn't get arrested! But, the law against wearing masks states that it doesn't apply to people "wearing traditional holiday costumes," so I'm not breaking the law~! XD
-------------------------------------------

Anyway, the other purpose of this post is to mention a very interesting game Fran found, and we spent awhile with. XD It's called
THE ENDLESS FOREST. XD
http://tale-of-tales.com/TheEndlessForest/
It's more of an art piece than a game (made as such) and it's actually pretty damn cool. You play as a deer - WITH A HUMAN FACE!! and just run around the forest. You can do emotes, basically, towards other people, but you can't talk, and your name is a glyph. You can get different pelts by having people cast spells on you, same thing with masks, and antlers. And if you're lucky, the Gods of the game (the creators) will intervene and do crazy stuff! Etc. etc. There's so much to do, it looks pretty cool.

Rek, Fran and I played around for like an hour, just without even registering. We were dancing, and other people were dancing with us, and jumping around. XD It was pretty silly, and AMAZING. XD It's also really nice, in a way, that no one is talking and getting all trash-talky, but it has led to a lot of "WHO WERE YOU??" on the internets by people. XD

Unfortunately, it doesn't work on the mac (what DOES?) but Rek sounds like she'll lend me her computer every so often, if I want to/have the time. :B
It's amusing, and an interesting concept - and FREEEE. XD So go check it out!

IT IS A GOOD MORNING!

Thu, 05 Nov 2009 17:55:30 GMT

MORE being a positive Nancy! (er... whatever. XD)

Painting class went great! My painting's really coming along (photos will be put up tonight!) and Danny was... NICE?!
Like, so upbeat, and peppy and YEAH!
It was almost creepy! XD

And I went to Main Art and got a portfolio that's actually NICE!! And when I was there, I ran into Jake! (my surface research teacher back in freshman year) He has a curly handlebar mustache now!! XD
So I got to talk to him about what's goin' on, and told him I was in Comm arts, and he asked what part, and I talked about animation stuffs, and he asked if Erin got in too, and I said yes, and he's like "Oh good." : ] And I told him Rek got in too, and we all hang out together and get inspiration and things were fantastic, and he said he was so happy for us. :B
He's teaching at Mary Washington, and doing signs and ads for Main Art, and spotting in the gallery upstairs. And now I have to post more stuff up on my blog so I can email it to him. XD And I need to return these clamps he leant me for the book project! D:
And I need to tell him about Erin's awesome success with the scholarship and her monster book~!!
He was all like "Have you published any books yet?" and I'm like "No..." and he made a face like "Aww, come on!" XD

It was just really great getting to see him, and be all like "YEAH, I'M DOIN' WELL!"
SWEEEEEEEEEEEET!

I'm really, REALLY diggin' this positive mood, everyone's so happy and getting stuff done that they like to do, and being inspired to make awesome stuff, and yeah. :D
It's like "GOOOOOOOOOOOO~!!"

Looking like a good morning? : ]

Thu, 05 Nov 2009 13:00:22 GMT

I found this song this morning, and it's awesome. D: I dunno if the video's supposed to go with it, but eh. XD I REALLY like the song - reminds me of you, Rek, getting weird/awesome songs stuck in your head - thought you might like it too. : ]

Also, it's a combo of snippets of DEG and Daft Punk flying around my head right now~ Such interesting combinations. XD

I got up super-early today, which is amazing. And I have a (sorta) clear plan of what I'm doing?
I gotta go to class, get a good picture of my self-portrait, rush home, clean up, put on my V "costume" (happy 5th of November!), figure out what I need to print for my portfolio, get it printed, get some advising for my courses, look for a new portfolio that doesn't suck ass, and somewhere in there, if I have time (HAHA!) run to the costume shop and look for a fake Tommy gun. Was thinking of getting stuff printed later, but I dunno if I have the time, what with Nekocon and all....

Wait, I think I'll just run to the graphics lab Friday morning. I don't have class, and we're not leaving till the afternoon, and that way I'll have time to finish my typography piece, if I want to submit it.
Hahaha, it sucks, I just have this giant pool of stuff that I don't know what to pick from anymore. D: I took stuff out, but then added things in... I'll figure it out. I need to just lay out everything and then pick out what's the strongest. I need to be more objective, frankly..

But aaaaaaaaaagh. Last night I didn't get any sketches done. D: I just looked at my portfolio some, ate food, helped Crystal with refs, and passed out. XD But I guess I needed the sleep.
AH! But I DID do a really nice Trigger sketch in my philosophy class! :D I took a jab at making him more 'realistically' drawn, and it turned out hella nice - and also made him look like a rock star, high on something, and "tossing his hair for all the fans." :B I'm really happy with it, even if it is just a small sketch.

Ah, but I kind of know more of what I'm doing with my classes next semester too. :D So THAT'S putting my mind at ease...
I feel really... positive right now! How odd! XD I've just been in a funk for awhile, and now it's passing, I think. I guess I'm excited about today! Hope it turns out awesome...

Oh yeah, and the Gorillaz were on the cover of a magazine. D8 http://gorillaz-news.livejournal.com/268884.html#cutid1 They ARE working on a third album, and akjsdhgsdalgljkgjlgdjkdklkgk *froth* These guys were my OBSESSION in high school, so it's AWESOME to see more of them!!!

Also, I found it, Erin. 8D

He's walking right into the camera, too, and then goes "oooohhhh shiiiittt...." and just slides out of frame. XD Poor man.

Ah well, to school!

Quick rambling:

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 07:02:03 GMT

Halloween was fun. : ] Got to see my family, go trick-or-treating with my sister (WHAT. XD) and failed at it. There were a few grumbles here and there, but it was a nice visit. Everyone thinks I should ride the bus more, take more medicine, etc. XD Sister's doing NaNoWriMo for her creative writing class and it's looking cool thus far. :D Stuff.
Dad about cried when I left for THIS home, he thought I was staying away because of him and I'm like NOOOOOOOOOO. XD

Sunday's been interesting. My fish has ceased being pissed now that his tank is clean, but he was PIIISSSSSEEDD when I cleaned it. XD And his water feels super-cold, so I need to look into a heater.
PW Cosplays are a no go, since we can't handle the workload right now, lolz. XD So I'm going to rock my new Girlycard coat and also cave in and buy a fake "ratatat" Tommy gun and (hopefully) mod it out just a little so it has TWO grips like it's supposed to. :P We'll see.

Looking at Nekocon stuff has me excited, the list of panels and videos showing is up, and I'm stoked, and now have too many things planned. XD I need to print these, but there's no printer-friendly version. D:
Also
PHOENIX WRIGHT MOCK TRIAL 2009.
D8!!!!!!!!
FUCK ERINNN!!!
3-5 PM SATURDAY. BE THERE!

OH WELL on OUR PW cosplay, we get to see a motherfucking TRIAL. D8!! Here's hoping it's good, though. : \ Because it doesn't say anything more than that about it.

And honestly, I'd rather not be a less-than-perfect prosecutor... :B
AND I TOTALLY THINK YOU SHOULD GET NEW CAMO AND AN EYEPATCH. :D AND SOMEHOW CONVINCE CHRIS TO BE OCELOT, BECAUSE HE CAN TWIRL THE TWO REVOLVERS YOU GUYS HAAAAAAAAAAVE. 8D

*ahem*
ALSO, there's going to be a concert by this band called Suicide Ali... I checked 'em out, and Dir en Grey they're not, (sort of reminds me of My Chemical Romance if they were Japanese, lol?? XD I like MCR, but not as much as some, you know? XD) but hey, FREE CONCERT. 8D They look pretty interesting, and it sounds like fun to go. I ADORE live music, so hey. :D
And there's gonna be dances!
and no curfewww!!!!!
No time I have to be home!!!
Interesting panels!!
Stuff to buy~!!
Anime to watch!!!

STOKED-NESS IS STARTING. 8B

I was getting kind of bummed because I didn't have a new costume, or an artist table, or whatever, so I guess it was feeling kind of... not artistically productive? But it sounds like there's going to be a lot of things to do and experience and learn from, and so now I'm happy. : ] REALLY HAPPY!

Here's hoping it goes well~!!!!

Happy Halloween!

Sat, 31 Oct 2009 16:15:39 GMT

I had a dream this morning that... we were going to Disney-land, and there were just like huge playground equipment... Oh yeah, at one point I was sitting on a giant stuffed dog's head with some friends (looked like high school friends?), and slid down the other side on this ladder thing, which started an obstacle course, because people were trying to get me down, and there was something on the other side? That I wanted to get? (I think a piercing? XD WTF)
It was like Ninja warrior, the playground version.
And there were kids crawling all over it. XD Some going in the opposite direction I was. And some parents.
I crawled overtop of the monkey bars, this girl I knew from band tried going across them and fell spectacularly.. I was swinging from ropes and bars and swings alongside the structure... it was a lot of fun...

But earlier in the dream, someone had died. We were picking out a gravestone for them - my father??? or I think it was a couple of people??? D8 Anyway, we did..
And at the end of the obstacle course, I passed by where the grave was - all alone on a large rock - and I about cried. The stone looked like it was broken apart and stolen (almost like this one I saw at a cemetery in town.) And this lady came by and consoled me, and showed me it wasn't stolen, just broken, and flipped around the pieces that were hidden, and everything was reattached. It was almost like a triptych, with wood panels, attached to the stone parts... so strange.

And then there were fireworks in the sky, coming from behind the trees, and they were shot in the air and showered down. They looked like knots of rope glowing with yellow fire, and a girl near me had a sparkler (that also looked like knotted, glowing metal), and she was marveling at them.. then there was another set of fireworks that formed the Mickey in the Magician's Apprentice hat... but she didn't look and wasn't impressed at all by that.

And I don't know how I ended up there, but I was shopping in this weird knicknack/antique shop, in the daytime, and there was a very unprofessional lady running it. I was looking, I think, at more of those wood altars... and she was yammering on and on about how Chinese people collected 12th century paintings and some sort of figurines, not the 1800's replicas made by Europeans... She had a painting of a tiger, and a bunch of little knicknacks and dolls adorning lots of shelves, and I was almost tripping all over her stuff... She was suggesting I get these huge long tassel things - a set in all the colors of the rainbow, made of yarn. (she was screwing them up in trying to display them, and wouldn't let me look at them.)
I didn't know what I'd get them for, even though they looked kinda awesome, but this whole knitting circle of people were talking about them and how they were going to make scarves, since the yarn matched this particular brand... (like these colors my mom was looking at to make a shawl for my grandmother..)

I think I just got annoyed and bored with their banter, so I woke up. XD

It's weird, it's like a combination of a bunch of stuff I heard and talked about at the party last night (monkey bars, band, etc.) but also... WTF??? XD And I feel like the graves and honoring the dead is part guilt that I didn't go to that service last night, and a reminder that I should be doing that today... 0_0 Kinda creeps me out, lol.
And was it my dad?????? D8 Or my grandfathers? My grandfathers would make sense. If it was my father, I'd be very... upset. Thankfully, I just heard from him over the phone, so he's ok.. but still.
And then the connection to my grandmother, who we don't know if she's ok, or where she is, or anything. D:

Makes me wonder if any of this has any meaning, or if it's just all totally random...

Anyway, sorry for the weird dream. XD I'm going home today to visit my family!! Which is a long overdue visit, and I hope you all have a happy Halloween, All Soul's Day, Samhain, whatever you prefer to call it. : ] I guess the moral of the story is, also celebrate those people who you love who are no longer with us, not just candy and parties. Celebrate the spirits too. :]

I'm sorry sir, what was that?

Fri, 30 Oct 2009 20:34:45 GMT

'The crazy, Japanese, GOFFICK HORRAR BAND called DIR EN GREY.'
XD Oh man.

This was an interview I believe Fran saw, and was like "WTF??? Lyrics about being raped by your mother???" XD It was just funny that she told me about it, and I found it.
Though the jab at lolitas I'm sure isn't appreciated either, by you Fran. XD Sorry! But I mean, they're guys in a rock band, I think they just don't get it. XD

I partly love this interview - because it shows awesome clips from their shows, and I LOVE getting to hear the band members talk (LOLZ) but I also really hate it, because I feel like there's such a slant, such a misunderstanding, on the part of the announcer. He's obviously somewhat disgusted and sees them as these strange, foreign rabble-rousers. XD AHAHAHA, THAT'S it, he reminds me of the news-guy from V for Vendetta, in a way..
It's just like, he totally doesn't get it, and it's almost fantastic for that.

My favorite line is "You can mention that I am horrible and nasty in nature if you want." :B
I always have a love for people who just don't give a fuck about what people think of them and are mean and nasty, because I'm not like that at all. (though I am breaking old habits where necessary!)

Also, (in a tidbit of fangirlism) I found out Kyo is as tall as me (SHORT! 8B), and also an Aquarius AND a Dragon (Zodiac-wise) like I am! XD Which is just kind of cool. Makes me wonder how he thinks, if there's similarities? I don't want to say "OMG I'M LIEK KYO" but it just makes me wonder how his brain ticks, especially from an artistic standpoint - I wonder that about everyone anyway, lol.

Also also, the fangirls are REALLY fucking annoying. So I have to rail hard against being like them. D8

8D

Fri, 30 Oct 2009 20:12:20 GMT

Made an art blog over on blogger!
http://seir33.blogspot.com/
If you want to follow me over there, then be my guest! :D
It's kind of a mess right now, but I'm confident that it'll work out ok. : ] I think if I post more of the stuff about my art life like I've kind-of been doing over here (except with less RAEG and more photos) it'll actually turn into something I'm proud of!

I'll try to cross-post when I can, too, so you guys will know when new stuff updates. : ]

YAAAY one more step towards being a somewhat responsible artist! Woo~!!

Noooooooooooo!!

Thu, 29 Oct 2009 16:54:59 GMT

I had a WEIRD dream last night. It's like all of my fears about my fish manifested themselves. D:
My mom was there, for some reason, and she was looking at my fish. I think earlier in the dream, he was looking fine, but then, when I came back in the room, it was horrifying.

He was all white, like the color had been taken out of him entirely, and his big fins had been torn off, laying on the gravel in his tank and strewn in the plants. With the little fins on the sides, he was flipping around sporadically, but he looked like he was very puny and about to give up.
I lost it. I didn't know if it was because I hadn't been feeding him right or if he'd gotten sick because the tank wasn't clean or if the fins had torn off on the plants... (all of which being actual worries of mine.)

I left the room for some reason, and when I came back, he was dead, lying in the corner - but (I think) like a pale husk. Swimming around in the tank in his place were five 'baby' bettas, but they had huge long fins, and tiny tiny bodies, and there were red ones and blue ones. Morning Glory is purple, so it's like they were his 'children' - or now, looking back on it, perhaps they were inside him, giving him color, and then they burst out... D:
I don't know. It was pretty damn fucking weird.
In the dream I couldn't tell if he was somehow pregnant, or if they were parasites or what. I began panicking, knowing I'd have to separate them all because they'd fight and kill each other in one tank like that... D:

And that's it.
I woke up being so happy my fish was alive and well. XD
It's just, I hadn't been getting my full six hours of sleep for like, 3-4 days, getting somewhere between 3-5 hours every night, and so last night, I overslept, and dreamt, and it was weird. D: Especially since Erin had a dream about fish too, recently. D: And I think, besides me worrying about my fish, it also has to do with me pondering self-mutilating behaviors, what with this creepy disease I found out about, and philosophy class, and Dexter, and Halloween, and Dir en Grey..
WHO, BY THE WAY, ARE TOURING IN AMERICA BUT NOT CLOSE ENOUGH FOR ME TO GO SEE. >B{
(more on the mutilation later, when I make my rant less tl;dr.)

But yeah. And speaking of Halloween, my teacher was making fun of my painting again, saying it had too much grey in it so it looked like I was dead, and he's like "Maybe we just have to wait for Halloween to pass..." and I was like ">8| BITCH I WILL CUT YOU" but I added color to it, and he's like "Much better!" so all is forgiven, sorta. XD I'm such a glutton for praise..
But some of my classmates thought I looked like a zombie too, without the eyes painted in. XD I got some eyes on me, though! Huzzah!
And Crystal doesn't have to take her ref shots again, thank god!!! XDDDDDDDDD

Augh, but I need to get out of this mood. I just feel like I'm uncomfortable no matter where I am, like I violently don't want to be there. I'm hungry, but I don't want to eat anything. Physically, I'm always about to fall over because my legs are tired from biking and my equilibrium is wack, and I'm just tired in general. Maybe I've just been too cramped up in my room, or maybe it's just stress getting to me... OH, and my throat's starting to bug me now too, and I pray to god I'm not getting sick or my mold allergies, because that'd fucking suck.
But on the positive side, I visited the bank and ordered checks! And so now I can pay rent! XD
So small steps... Small steps! Everything isn't impossible!
and EDIT!! I was like "OMG, I NEEED TO EEAT. CHIMICHANGAAH." XD Stuff starts being appetizing again after sitting around for an hour with your stomach growling at you. XD
AND I'm sorting out what needs to get done - FINALLY!

Doin' it for kicks.

Tue, 27 Oct 2009 22:11:03 GMT

Ok, first it was Tool. Then Justice. Then Tool again. Most recently, Franz Ferdinand.
And now I'm on a Dir en Grey kick. XD

It started with me giving them a listen randomly a few days ago? And then Erin was playing it in her car, and we were talking about Kyo's voice going from all the abuse he's putting on it. (;^;) But later that evening, I was looking at Daft Punk stuff on Youtube, and that freakish baby thing from Technologic was on the screen, and somebody's like "If you think THIS is creepy, then check out Dir en Grey's 'Obscure.'" So of course, what else could I do but look at it? XD

Here it is in all it's crazy glory - DEFINITELY NSFW. Or safe for probably most people's eyes. XD

It was just so horrible and disgusting and disturbingly sexy and amazing and beautiful in its ugliness that I... I just love this kind of shit. XD

This has officially launched a kick. XD

Someday, I want to go through all the albums and figure out what they're really saying in the lyrics - the above song, for example, is about abortion and it's commonplace-ness in Japanese society..
But I'm just randomly looking at this site, which has all the lyrics.. and the translations are rough, but I actually sometimes prefer them that way. XD http://codeofvulgarizm.tripod.com/
I know you said, Erin, that there was a good site, so if there's one better than this one, could you point me towards it? :D And if I've found it, then huzzah! XD

But before we move totally on to the Diru kick, The Franz has to say something:

I'm REALLY diggin' this song too. :D I think I might just do my moving typography piece on this... if I get the time. D: At least on part of the chorus, because I can see it in my head.
"Whoah-ho
LOOK OUT
You're what she CAME for
You're what she CAME for
NO QUESTION/NO DOUBT!"

Hahaha, such a contrast. Franz Ferdinand is all about dance music, kinda happy quirky and weird, and sexy, and Dir en Grey is about dark macabre rock music... and sexy. XD I THINK I PICK THE BANDS I LIKE BY THEIR SEXINESS, LOLZ.

Gaaaaaah but I want to draw Kyo now SO BAD. I think the combination of zombie walk+this = SPEWING BLOOODDDDD FTW!! I'm wondering if I can draw him for my Tin sketchbook - if a few can be from photos, then.... >BD BWAHAHAHAHA.
2 pages from photos out of 100 isn't bad at all right?

TO HOMEWORK~!!

Accomplished?

Mon, 26 Oct 2009 05:28:42 GMT

Well, for the next 3 hours after my earlier post, I was on a roll. I did my laundry, cleaned my room, did my dishes, ate, etc. I was like "YEAH!"
I agreed with Fran to paint her in the evening, since it's hard enough to paint as it is, without worrying about the light changing on you all the time. D: So night painting it is.

BY THE WAY... If anyone has any free time they could spend by modeling for me for a couple hours once or twice a week, that'd be amazing. 8< I reeaaally need models. You can read or do homework or whatever, I'll go to your place if it's more convenient, and I'll pay you if you want. And you don't need to be nude or anything, just a person sitting there. 8D Please?

Anyway, for the rest of the evening, it's been off-and-on getting distracted and editing photos for class. I got all the Hollywood Cemetery photos done, and now I'm halfway through Zombie Walk. So progress!
I also was doing this over at Crystal's, which we were over there for an unexpected 3 hours, since she made everyone food. :D But I got work done and had fun at the same time, so awesome!

But still, I've been getting distracted looking stuff up. : \

I did feed my fish, and water my plant... Poor Tsuki, the 'lucky bamboo' plant I have, was starting to get dried-out looking. D: And Morning Glory (oh you poor Betta fish, how did you get named that? XD) has some weird sections on his fins where it looks like they're hanging weirdly? Like they got twisted. XD I think he might've possibly torn them on the plants...?
But gah, still gotta change his water. D: I'll do it as soon as I can..

So I gotta finish editing these photos too, and post them, and paint tomorrow, as well as work on those sleeves when I get the chance. Here's hoping all goes well!

Why do I suck so hard? ONLY BECAUSE I THINK I SUCK.

Sun, 25 Oct 2009 18:21:02 GMT

Augh, it's 2 PM, I got up an hour ago, I went to bed at 4 because I got caught up looking at old anime (fondly <3) after the time for reminiscing was up, lol, (read "I should've gone to bed when everyone else did." :P) and I didn't get a whole lot of anything done last night, even though I told myself I had time to work on the sleeves for my Von Karma cosplay. :| I'm sorely disappointed in myself, on the one hand, but on the other, I'm like "I did zombie walk, I got that homework done, I didn't go to a party, and instead spent time with my friends and got a lot of inspiration, which is a lot better, and I was too tired to do much else."

But I can't dwell on whether I failed or not. I've got laundry and dishes and a fish tank to get clean, and work to do - painting and cosplay especially. But I must've overslept because now I feel groggy - STILL. 8{ So I'm like "NNNNNNNNNNGHHHHHH..."

Agh, it's like, I know I can do it, so why DON'T I? Ever.
Gah, but I gotta have faith in myself. Last week I got myself caught up to where I should've been, so now it's a matter of not letting it slip. Maybe I'm just afraid it will, and that's what this is all about.
Well no time to worry, gotta hop to it.

Hahaha, sorry if this was pointless. XD It's just I'm trying to break a pattern here, and my whole being is like "Naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah how 'bout not..." even though I know it'd be good for me. So I just gotta go tell that part of myself to go fuck itself and listen to the part that's going "Oh god, why is THAT out? and isn't that supposed to be over there?" and "SHIT I have work to do!!!" and "LOOK AT THAT LAUNDRY! D:" and start cleaning and working. XD

In fact, I'll post my accomplishments later, no matter how small or awesome they may be, and know that I did well today, or at least my best, and didn't goof off as much. I'll prove it to myself and to you!!!
"DON'T BELIEVE IN YOURSELF, BELIEVE IN ME WHO BELIEVES IN YOU~!!!!"
You guys believe in me right? RIGHT! And screw that saying, I'll believe in myself too. :D
YAR LET'S GO!

WATCH - EDITED TO MAKE A MASSIVE AWESOME ANIMATION POST.

Sun, 25 Oct 2009 01:59:46 GMT

Fran found this for me and it's AMAZING.
This was directed by Todd MacFarlane and apparently handled by the same studio that did the Batman Animated Series back in the day ~<3
OMG I LOVE IT.

(also this studio really knows how to do awesome chicks. XD)
But I think it's also just... kind of amazing. And a great juxtaposition (lol THAT word) between the saturday morning cartoons of my childhood and such serious subject matter.
It's fast and great and RAWR I AM MOTIVATED BY STUFF LIKE THIS OMAGAW. XD

and this

and this

Both from Erin. <3

And these, which I didn't post when I found them, lol. XD

Vocaloids kinda creep me out and fascinate me at the same time, but the animation's hella nice!

-A Tiffany find of awesome~

So haunting and beautiful. D8

And another from Fran!

IT HAS THE COMBINED POWERS OF THE GUY WHO DID DIGIMON AND TAKASHI MURAKAMI. IT'S FANTASTIC. XD

ZOMBEEEEZ

Sun, 25 Oct 2009 01:34:22 GMT

Zombie walk was awesome. :D
More on that later. XD

Heh

Tue, 13 Oct 2009 02:26:05 GMT

Today I was:
Nearly late to class
continually gastrointestinally miserable
seething with rage for the first time in recent memory (heart rate rising as I sat perfectly still, pretty scary)
nearly hit by a car that had stopped for me, then went forward as I crossed the street. D8

I was also:
a namer of my new fish~!!! (Morning Glory stuck. D: Glory or Gloria for short. XD LOLWTF) and my new werewolf (PEREGRINE. "As in the falcon?" "YES. 8D")
able to make a good recovery from nearly falling asleep on my sister on the phone. 8D THUMBS UP!
incredibly embarrassing to someone unintentionally. XD

And now, I am stuck with painting to do. XD

I will have to tell you all about my new betta fish!!!! who Erin got me, and is amazing and purple and stares at you, and is currently bashing his head against every nook of the glass of his tank. And about adventures painting in graveyards. And watching Zombieland. And other awesomeness!!!!

AND I'M MAKING A WEREWOLF THE APOCALYPSE CHARACTER AND HE'S A SCOTSMAN NAMED PERRY, SHORT FOR PEREGRINE, AND HE HAS RED HAIR AND SIDEBURNS AND HE'S A HOMID FIANNA RAGABASH. Which sounds like a description like "single white male" or some such for a classified. XD And he's going to be hilarious. Oh I can't wait to RP the man. XDDDDD

But PAINTING TO DO!!! GOOO

P.S. - YOU ALL HAVE ME LIKING ANTHROPOMORPHS WAY MORE THAN I USED TO. EVER. OMG, YOU'VE EITHER RUINED ME OR MADE ME BETTER. XDDDD

HURRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Tue, 06 Oct 2009 18:50:22 GMT

I'M A GACKT HOERSSSSS

This is what happens when people take the Hoers off the desktop in class. They get their picture of Gackt turned into a Gackt Hoers. 8D

Just a thought.

Fri, 02 Oct 2009 17:53:20 GMT

Cleaning in my room, I went and straightened some books, and saw JTHM, which I haven't read in awhile. I fanned the pages, and thought "Something must have resonated with me... ah, it was that grungy, misanthropy..." Which I think is funny, because I used to say all the time "I LOOOVE PEOPLE."

Now I do and I don't. I love them as an object of study, of art. I love figuring out how they think and why. Their stories, what made them what they are now. I find humans INTENSELY interesting. But I've also found out there's MUCH more idiocy and crassness and desperation and every bad quality out there too. DEALING with people is very, very hard. Studying them is a lot of fun. XD

But anyway, that 90's grunge-y aesthetic, twinged with insanity - something you see in both JTHM and the Tool videos I was watching, things like that - are dreadfully appealing to me. XD And of course, that influences my art. Though I am glad I'm moving away from so much Vasquez influence by learning, you know, anatomy. XD

Just an observation. : ] Though I wonder, in a way, if I should do anything about it? Not to change it, but to develop an aesthetic of my own...?

Oh GEEEZE...

Fri, 02 Oct 2009 05:16:05 GMT

So, in typography, we had an assignment where we had to take an interjection and make an interesting composition with it. My "OH SHNAPS." one went over pretty well, and my "OH NO." with the no in italics got a "It looks like you accidentally killed someone..." which I consider one of the best critiques EVER. XD
BUT, my "Oh GEEZE..." didn't go over so well, since I used a gothic font that turned out unreadable... XD I was trying to explain it was a dramatic oh GEEEZZE sort of oh geez, and people thought I meant drama queen or diva then, which was all wrong...

So Crystal brings up "Is it like Trigger?? 8D" and I'm like "NO." and she's like "Because he IS a drama queen," and I point at her and say "True!" and we both laugh - and meanwhile, Mr. Meganck is staring at us and says "I have no idea what you're talking about."
So I, trying to brush it off and say "Oh, it's just this character I have..." and Crystal blurts out "HE'S A SEX FIEND. A GAY SEX FIEND!!!" and I'm like "CRYSTAL, HE HAS NO PLACE IN TYPOGRAPHY!!" and she's like "HE HAS A PLACE EVERYWHERE!!!!"

THIS IS DURING A CRITIQUE.
Now everyone in every class I have knows I'm creepy. XD At least in commarts. XD Even this morning, the first thing I heard about my painting was "wow, that's creepy." XD And yeah, it was an eye-less wig head with a scarf over it, but hey... XD

GOOD news!! :D

Thu, 01 Oct 2009 17:24:26 GMT

Ok, so I called the Staples people to see if I really, REALLY couldn't get my plan renewed, and I can't, and it wouldn't have covered the damage anyway. D: BUT, when I told the lady my sob story of how it JUST BROKE after the warranty ran out, she was like "oh no... well..." and explained that if I call Kodak, they can do some sort of trade-in thing, where I get a discount on a new camera!!

So, I called them, and after much confusion, and talking to people who are probably Indian or something (no offense, it was just a bit difficult for me to understand her over the phone...) they're going to send me an email coupon in a few days for 25% off a new camera, and I don't have to send my old one in! I don't even know how that works, but it does. XD
That's much better than spending 90 bucks and a couple weeks at least without a camera to repair my old one. Oh man, what a relief...
I mean, it's still a pain in the neck to have to buy another one, but this makes it hurt just a smidgin less. : ]
That, and not buying practically ANYTHING all week thus far and being a miser. XD I love it!!

FUCK-----

Wed, 30 Sep 2009 04:38:51 GMT

So, long story short, I broke my camera. My bike fell on top of it, breaking my GLASS painting palette in the process, and busting the screen on the camera. It takes pictures fine, but I can't SEE worth a damn, nor use any of the functions on menus.
It'd cost $80 to repair it.
AND, my 2 year protection plan from Staples ran out 20 days ago.
D:
So looks like I'm probably buying a new camera - LIKE I NEED TO SPEND ANOTHER HUNDRED BUCKS.
Jesus.

And I was just trying to figure out more stuff about my camera, for photography, and I LOVE this camera so much... Now it's been reduced to a digital point and shoot. With no viewfinder. And it sucks, because I KNEW something was going to happen - 1, I knew it was a bad idea to put it in that front pocket on my bag for some reason... and 2, people's phones were dying or being lost, and I thought "uh oh, things come in threes..." I wrote down every number on my phone, and what happens? My camera breaks. D: Fuckin' great.

But, other than that, things are going ok. Great, actually. My paintings turned out good today, and my typography assignment's going to go up in the hall! Stuff like that. I just need to get motivated to do shit for... shit. XD MOTIVATION SERIOUSLY WANING.
I have to order checks and pay rent, goddammit. I don't care about these assignmennnnnts... but oh well...

I do have an entertaining tale, though...
Today when I was riding home on my bike, I stopped at an intersection. This older guy in the car on the street going across was looking both ways before he turned, and when he looked in my direction I nodded politely like I normally do, like "hello...." He smiled and shouted "Hey good lookin'!!" as he made the turn, showing off his license plate that said (an abbreviation of) "LOUNGING" in the process. XD It really kind of cheered me up.
Hahaha, at least old men think I'm attractive. XD
And I got to eat food and talk to people and my mom and sister came by and she wanted to stay, but my mom was like "No, she moved here so she could work, and you have stuff to do, we need to go home, wtf are you thinking?" XD WHAT.

Oi, time is going by super fast, I must be tired. D: Night~

Bleh! - and how I'm trying to get over it...

Tue, 29 Sep 2009 01:03:33 GMT

I feel so socially awkward right now, like everything I'm doing towards everyone is rubbing everyone the wrong way, and I'm not even trying. I don't know if it's because I went home and ended up arguing with my mom, so maybe I feel a heightened sense of it, or if everyone's just stressed, or what.

I also was sorta stuck on what to draw at the beginning of my sketchbook, but now I'm working on this picture I thought of AGES ago and revamping it, because I want SO HARD to make a HUGE painting, like a group portrait, of some of the Kragsyde cast. And now that I know more about them, and about composition thanks to my teacher talking about Sargent's work, I'm working on that... sorta.

And I have SO MUCH LITTLE SHIT to do in addition to the major shit, it's driving me buggy, and I keep flitting back and forth between everything.
And I feel like I'm pissing people off again, so I don't knoooowww.... D:

And then EVERYONE I've talked to is getting totally dragged down by both Tin AND Danny's classes - concept drawing and painting, respectively - and it's like I feel like in every class I have the crazy ideas are rejected, the things I think are interesting, and I'm forced to do boring shit. We're told our shit's not good, and that we're DOING IT WRONG when the teacher didn't tell us how to do it right, blah blah blah BLAH!!!!

And since a lot of people are going through this sort of thing right now, my response is this:

FUCK IT.
Fuck them and their rules. Their stupid, silly shit. BREAK rules, bend them, come out from left field. And if you can't because they strike you down, then do it on something else. XD The things that I've been most proud of doing right now are the ones that I really went all out on. I did a painting last week in which I totally threw out half of what my teacher taught me, and it's probably one of my best from at home. I brought in a friend to class to paint, and did a weird, creepy setup with my psyduck later in the week. XD And then, for photography class, I ended up making THIS animation - http://seira-chan33.deviantart.com/art/some-kind-of-temporary-sanity-138509230 - which left my class rolling in (probably nervous) laughter, amazed at how fucking creepy it was. XD And it was just something that I really, REALLY wanted to try and took the assignment as a golden opportunity. And yeah, it took way longer than it probably should have, but I had so much fun DOING it that I didn't mind.

So that's my only way of keeping sane in all of this - finding ways to make this shit interesting for myself. Because if you're not doing what you like doing, then you're not going to be happy, and a lot of what (at least Tin) is wanting us to do is to do what THEY want. Which leads to you being apathetic about what you're working on, and your work to not be as good, and then he says it sucks, so your work gets worse. : [
And yeah, that's real life, working for someone else - but I don't think it has to be bad all the time.
I want to be hired for my brain, not just for my ability to wield a pencil

But like with this animation, it just gives me so much joy. Because this, my friends, is what I want to do with my life. It reminds me of why I'm here. TO MAKE CREEPY ANIMATION THAT'S FANTASTIC. XD And I SO want to do another one now that I put more time into, with a better put-together model and set, an actual script and storyboards, and not so blatantly Tool-inspired. : ] Because really, I consider this more of an experiment and tribute than anything.. Is it bad to be showing your influences so hardcore? XD I think it's ok for one piece, if you're learning from it...

But I digress.

That's my advice, and I'm trying hard as hell to follow it and not get swept up in the negativity that's running rampant through our department right now like a cold breeze. Apathy's setting in and I have to shake it off. There was this whole scholarship competition going on last week, and I'm so exhausted from that, and everyone else is too, and we're all wondering if we're worthy or not, and hung up on how good we are or aren't, and comparing ourselves to each other, but that's not what it's about. Yeah, we need to see where we stand, and yeah, it's good to want to get better. But, we can't all be fretting over "are we good enough?" because that makes us falter. I try to go at my work like "YEAH! I'm doing ALRIGHT!" and it shows when I do. I'm much shakier on drawing, second-guessing everything, but painting, I love just ATTACKING. And the animation was a similar approach - a fun "Fuck yeah, let's do this shit!" and then being amazed at the process, at the result. That's what I like most about animation, is the sheer magic of what happens when you put all your hard work together... that's why I want to do it the most.

Anyway, if you don't have the confidence, fake it, and it comes. Keep working hard, and don't give up even when it looks like you're fucked and you've done a horrible job, and there seems to be no way of getting out of it. I stay up too late and mess up, and I feel like I'm thrashing headlong into everything all the time, so maybe it's not the best approach, but it's what works for me - making a mad dash for the finish, because goddammit, I can't stand to forfeit.

NEVER SURRENDAAAAARRRRR!!! AAAAAAOOOOOOUUGH!! AAAAAAAOOOOUUUGH!! AAAAAAAOOOOUUUGH!!

Don't give up, it'll be ok. : ]

'CAUSE THIS IS THRILLER, THRILLER NIGHT~!

Fri, 18 Sep 2009 13:15:13 GMT

For all those Zombie Walk peeps who want to learn the Thriller dance...

OK, so they say you can learn this in 2 hours, if you learn the words. :D This video does a good job of teaching it. BUT, it's not the original choreography- see the second video below.

It was a video for a group of people trying to break the Guinness Book record for most people simultaneously dancing - to Thriller- and now it's sort of a tradition. Here's the website: http://www.thrilltheworld.com/

There's two groups in VA doing this, one in Roanoke and one in Norfolk, but no Richmond group!

AND THIS YEAR THEY'RE DOING IT THE NIGHT OF ZOMBIE WALK - at 8:30 PM our time, though, unfortunately.
It would be amazing if it was DURING Zombie Walk.
They do this every year the weekend before Halloween, so it sounds like they coordinate quite a bit, perhaps... :D

Hahaha, and now they have a UK zombie walk director helping with this. XD

I KNEW IT.
They choreographed it different, though, to fit the record requirements and make it a little easier for people - they had to extend it to 5 minutes, and use the original song, not the video.

She does a good job of describing all the differences.

I personally like the original choreography better, it flows better, and it's SHORTER so less dancing!! XD But, if people want to do the Thriller thing later then it'd be kinda retarded to make people learn both. : /

I think I'll talk to Josh and see what he thinks. :D

So yeah, I'm going to be learning this. XD I am going to be SO sick of this song... XD

FFFFuuuuu----

Thu, 17 Sep 2009 07:29:10 GMT

It's 3 AM and I'm stuck here having to come up with reasons why I want to paint my plant and candles. DERP BECAUSE I LIKE THEM A LOT. I came up with some.
Now I gotta get my paints together. And a canvas.. I have no idea how to drag all this to class. XD I'll come up with something.

Just wanted to post earlier, though, because today went alright, finally. My painting class on Tuesday was going a bit... sour? since my teacher's been all like "DON'T PAINT ACTION FIGURES" when I kept doing them for my first batch of paintings, derp, and telling us we weren't thinking of why we wanted to paint things, when I was before. So meh.
And Monday, my sketches for a project got me told it looked like I was vomiting while I drew them, and that if my teacher was an art director, he'd never hire me again. So yeah...

Did get to go to Maymont, though, and take photos, which was fun, but hot, and typography went ok. Still compositions with letterforms..
And, I found out Carytown isn't that bad to bike to! And I got a saddlebag for my bike. : B

But today, I got a short assignment in my concept class, and finished it and liked it a lot - I got to paint a sphinx! And the people working on it! I liked working on it, and I tried out my new brush pen finally, and... it all feels good finally. YEAY.
And I got a sketch approved, and... a C+ on that last project I was so stoked about. But it was mostly likenesses and being too loose with the coloring that did it...

Photography was short and nice, and PHILOSOPHY!!
I HATED the reading, and so skimmed most of it, but when my teacher finally explained WTF Spinoza was trying to say, I LOVE SPINOZA. XD A Jewish lens-grinder from Amsterdam in the 1600's, who believed that everything in the universe is one substance - God. God doesn't create things, nor punish, nor have any human traits, because that doesn't make him infinite anymore, and existence, God IS. He hates people feigning ignorance, and saying things are god's will. There is no right and wrong, just everyone's subjective opinion on what's good and bad. Crazy awesome stuff. XD
Sadly, this lovely voice of reason was ignored by Europe for like, 200 years. D:

I also ran into a homeless lady today, at the bus stop. I bought us some taquitos to split from the 7-11, and she was trying to tell me how she was trying to get her life together... she only asks people for food, and she needs a phone, so she can call temp agencies, and be on the waiting list for shelters... things like that. She knows where to get food, so that's good. XD I told her a lot of people offer food instead of money, and she knows people use cards so much now, she just asks for what she needs.
She (supposedly) escaped from an abusive relationship and is all the way from Detroit! I say supposedly, because I'm still a bit leery, but she didn't seem to lie about anything else..
Anyway, she said I made her feel better, though, since someone was willing to listen and eat with her, give her some food, so I'm glad I could do that much. I told her I'd keep her in my prayers, and I'll try. : ]
I just felt bad, because I didn't spend $20 on a phone to help her out, but it is a lot to ask of a stranger, you know..? I'm just hoping someone more well-off would be kind enough to get her one, or better yet, if she gets her feet on the ground and can afford one herself...

It was just wild, because I wondered myself, how it would be if you ended up with nothing like that... it's just crazy. It's a bit sobering too.

OH YEAH AND I FOUND OUT ABOUT UV TATTOOS. GODDAMMIT, I FUCKING WANT ONE.
You know me and my love for flourescents and black lights and neon colors. The possibility of cancer and fading be damned! XD
Nah, it's probably a Very Bad Idea, but there are some nice ones on the internet, and man.. if I could have glowing blue stripes down and across my body and such, like just a simple one radiating down the arms, something like that, oh that would be so beautiful. D:
http://www.bmeink.com/A90617/high/f1b3-uv-alchemical.jpg - an example of NICE.
Of course, you'd have to find someone willing to risk using the stuff, though. :/ And some people are wussies, and make them invisible in normal light, and (understandably) get mad if they show up later, but I'd want it to be visible both ways, because what's the point?
Maybe some sort of circle design on my back that the lines connect to...
PSSHYEAH, WHEN I AM FAMOUS I COULD AFFORD SOMETHING LIKE THIS, WHO AM I KIDDING. XD But I can dream...

So I guess that was most of my day. XD I better get back to doing stuff, and then get some sleep. Yes, sleep..