Random Ramblings

MORE being a positive Nancy! (er... whatever. XD)

Painting class went great! My painting's really coming along (photos will be put up tonight!) and Danny was... NICE?!
Like, so upbeat, and peppy and YEAH!
It was almost creepy! XD

And I went to Main Art and got a portfolio that's actually NICE!! And when I was there, I ran into Jake! (my surface research teacher back in freshman year) He has a curly handlebar mustache now!! XD
So I got to talk to him about what's goin' on, and told him I was in Comm arts, and he asked what part, and I talked about animation stuffs, and he asked if Erin got in too, and I said yes, and he's like "Oh good." : ] And I told him Rek got in too, and we all hang out together and get inspiration and things were fantastic, and he said he was so happy for us. :B
He's teaching at Mary Washington, and doing signs and ads for Main Art, and spotting in the gallery upstairs. And now I have to post more stuff up on my blog so I can email it to him. XD And I need to return these clamps he leant me for the book project! D:
And I need to tell him about Erin's awesome success with the scholarship and her monster book~!!
He was all like "Have you published any books yet?" and I'm like "No..." and he made a face like "Aww, come on!" XD

It was just really great getting to see him, and be all like "YEAH, I'M DOIN' WELL!"
SWEEEEEEEEEEEET!

I'm really, REALLY diggin' this positive mood, everyone's so happy and getting stuff done that they like to do, and being inspired to make awesome stuff, and yeah. :D
It's like "GOOOOOOOOOOOO~!!"

I found this song this morning, and it's awesome. D: I dunno if the video's supposed to go with it, but eh. XD I REALLY like the song - reminds me of you, Rek, getting weird/awesome songs stuck in your head - thought you might like it too. : ]

Also, it's a combo of snippets of DEG and Daft Punk flying around my head right now~ Such interesting combinations. XD

I got up super-early today, which is amazing. And I have a (sorta) clear plan of what I'm doing?
I gotta go to class, get a good picture of my self-portrait, rush home, clean up, put on my V "costume" (happy 5th of November!), figure out what I need to print for my portfolio, get it printed, get some advising for my courses, look for a new portfolio that doesn't suck ass, and somewhere in there, if I have time (HAHA!) run to the costume shop and look for a fake Tommy gun. Was thinking of getting stuff printed later, but I dunno if I have the time, what with Nekocon and all....

Wait, I think I'll just run to the graphics lab Friday morning. I don't have class, and we're not leaving till the afternoon, and that way I'll have time to finish my typography piece, if I want to submit it.
Hahaha, it sucks, I just have this giant pool of stuff that I don't know what to pick from anymore. D: I took stuff out, but then added things in... I'll figure it out. I need to just lay out everything and then pick out what's the strongest. I need to be more objective, frankly..

But aaaaaaaaaagh. Last night I didn't get any sketches done. D: I just looked at my portfolio some, ate food, helped Crystal with refs, and passed out. XD But I guess I needed the sleep.
AH! But I DID do a really nice Trigger sketch in my philosophy class! :D I took a jab at making him more 'realistically' drawn, and it turned out hella nice - and also made him look like a rock star, high on something, and "tossing his hair for all the fans." :B I'm really happy with it, even if it is just a small sketch.

Ah, but I kind of know more of what I'm doing with my classes next semester too. :D So THAT'S putting my mind at ease...
I feel really... positive right now! How odd! XD I've just been in a funk for awhile, and now it's passing, I think. I guess I'm excited about today! Hope it turns out awesome...

Oh yeah, and the Gorillaz were on the cover of a magazine. D8 http://gorillaz-news.livejournal.com/268884.html#cutid1 They ARE working on a third album, and akjsdhgsdalgljkgjlgdjkdklkgk *froth* These guys were my OBSESSION in high school, so it's AWESOME to see more of them!!!

Also, I found it, Erin. 8D

He's walking right into the camera, too, and then goes "oooohhhh shiiiittt...." and just slides out of frame. XD Poor man.

Ah well, to school!

Halloween was fun. : ] Got to see my family, go trick-or-treating with my sister (WHAT. XD) and failed at it. There were a few grumbles here and there, but it was a nice visit. Everyone thinks I should ride the bus more, take more medicine, etc. XD Sister's doing NaNoWriMo for her creative writing class and it's looking cool thus far. :D Stuff.
Dad about cried when I left for THIS home, he thought I was staying away because of him and I'm like NOOOOOOOOOO. XD

Sunday's been interesting. My fish has ceased being pissed now that his tank is clean, but he was PIIISSSSSEEDD when I cleaned it. XD And his water feels super-cold, so I need to look into a heater.
PW Cosplays are a no go, since we can't handle the workload right now, lolz. XD So I'm going to rock my new Girlycard coat and also cave in and buy a fake "ratatat" Tommy gun and (hopefully) mod it out just a little so it has TWO grips like it's supposed to. :P We'll see.

Looking at Nekocon stuff has me excited, the list of panels and videos showing is up, and I'm stoked, and now have too many things planned. XD I need to print these, but there's no printer-friendly version. D:
Also
PHOENIX WRIGHT MOCK TRIAL 2009.
D8!!!!!!!!
FUCK ERINNN!!!
3-5 PM SATURDAY. BE THERE!

OH WELL on OUR PW cosplay, we get to see a motherfucking TRIAL. D8!! Here's hoping it's good, though. : \ Because it doesn't say anything more than that about it.

And honestly, I'd rather not be a less-than-perfect prosecutor... :B
AND I TOTALLY THINK YOU SHOULD GET NEW CAMO AND AN EYEPATCH. :D AND SOMEHOW CONVINCE CHRIS TO BE OCELOT, BECAUSE HE CAN TWIRL THE TWO REVOLVERS YOU GUYS HAAAAAAAAAAVE. 8D

*ahem*
ALSO, there's going to be a concert by this band called Suicide Ali... I checked 'em out, and Dir en Grey they're not, (sort of reminds me of My Chemical Romance if they were Japanese, lol?? XD I like MCR, but not as much as some, you know? XD) but hey, FREE CONCERT. 8D They look pretty interesting, and it sounds like fun to go. I ADORE live music, so hey. :D
And there's gonna be dances!
and no curfewww!!!!!
No time I have to be home!!!
Interesting panels!!
Stuff to buy~!!
Anime to watch!!!

STOKED-NESS IS STARTING. 8B

I was getting kind of bummed because I didn't have a new costume, or an artist table, or whatever, so I guess it was feeling kind of... not artistically productive? But it sounds like there's going to be a lot of things to do and experience and learn from, and so now I'm happy. : ] REALLY HAPPY!

Here's hoping it goes well~!!!!

So, long story short, I broke my camera. My bike fell on top of it, breaking my GLASS painting palette in the process, and busting the screen on the camera. It takes pictures fine, but I can't SEE worth a damn, nor use any of the functions on menus.
It'd cost $80 to repair it.
AND, my 2 year protection plan from Staples ran out 20 days ago.
D:
So looks like I'm probably buying a new camera - LIKE I NEED TO SPEND ANOTHER HUNDRED BUCKS.
Jesus.

And I was just trying to figure out more stuff about my camera, for photography, and I LOVE this camera so much... Now it's been reduced to a digital point and shoot. With no viewfinder. And it sucks, because I KNEW something was going to happen - 1, I knew it was a bad idea to put it in that front pocket on my bag for some reason... and 2, people's phones were dying or being lost, and I thought "uh oh, things come in threes..." I wrote down every number on my phone, and what happens? My camera breaks. D: Fuckin' great.

But, other than that, things are going ok. Great, actually. My paintings turned out good today, and my typography assignment's going to go up in the hall! Stuff like that. I just need to get motivated to do shit for... shit. XD MOTIVATION SERIOUSLY WANING.
I have to order checks and pay rent, goddammit. I don't care about these assignmennnnnts... but oh well...

I do have an entertaining tale, though...
Today when I was riding home on my bike, I stopped at an intersection. This older guy in the car on the street going across was looking both ways before he turned, and when he looked in my direction I nodded politely like I normally do, like "hello...." He smiled and shouted "Hey good lookin'!!" as he made the turn, showing off his license plate that said (an abbreviation of) "LOUNGING" in the process. XD It really kind of cheered me up.
Hahaha, at least old men think I'm attractive. XD
And I got to eat food and talk to people and my mom and sister came by and she wanted to stay, but my mom was like "No, she moved here so she could work, and you have stuff to do, we need to go home, wtf are you thinking?" XD WHAT.

Oi, time is going by super fast, I must be tired. D: Night~

I guess it's because I'm living away from home that I realize just how not-normal I am, the habits I've developed there that no one should have. I'm misinterpreting everything. I'm watching everyone, and wondering if I'm ok with them, if everything's fine, when maybe there's nothing to worry about at all. Rek, who likes to stare, and listens rather than talks, for example, has been getting me very nervous. When she doesn't say anything, I wonder if something's wrong- but that's just how she is. Nothing's wrong. But silence to me has so often meant passive-agressive anger that it makes me uncomfortable.
I talk too much, too, I feel like I'm filling up empty space, and I wonder sometimes if I'm just babbling awkwardly like I've seen people do, and pray and hope I'm not as annoying as them. I kept doing disrespectful things, it seemed, or took too many favors when they were offered, so I felt guilty that I was taking advantage of people's kindness.
I don't know what this mentality is, but it's wracking me pretty badly.

It all boils down to the fact that I guess I'm just insecure. I wonder what people say about me behind my back, when they might not be saying anything at all. I guess I tend to feel like I take and take and hang on to everyone for dear life, but I don't know if you want me there. I feel threads slipping apart, or at least fear it, and I don't even know if it's true. I'm probably more annoying worrying about if I'm annoying than I would be if I was just acting normal.
It's weird, I'm almost BEGGING that you guys tell me that something is wrong - and seriously, if there's ANYTHING you can't stand about me, or dislike, or whatever, let me know, PLEASE LET ME KNOW. And if there isn't then... tell me that too. Pretty please?

Thanks and sorry. It's just been a weird couple of weeks. I think I'm finally getting into the swing of things, I'm eating and sleeping ok, I'm getting my homework done (even if just barely.) But despite all that I'm getting worse, it seems, mentally, real whacked out kinda depressed at times.. but that could just be the full moon I suppose. I don't know. I'm doing alright, but I'm also doing miserable, and it's just annoying more than anything to feel that way.

Ah well, I gotta get back to work gessoing more canvases. Rek and I were looking up mustaches and it was hilarious, so hey. :D Things ain't all bad. :]
I also need to post up my paintings I'm doing in my painting class, I'm really proud of them. It's a lot of fun to paint with oils, I really really like it. So I gotta do some more gessoing so I can paint in my spare time!!
I guess it's that I've wanted to work, doing sketches and such, but all week I've been struggling just to keep up with homework, much less do anything extra. I asked last week to only work one day a week, but I might just put in 2 weeks notice. :/
Also, been riding my bike around town. I'm getting the hang of it, but it's still a scary venture. God, I hate cars, and fucking college kids. Won't move out of the damn way when a bike is coming right for them. XD

Heheh, so that's how I've been...

D:
http://dannydoodle.blogspot.com/
DAMN! Geez, and this is just one guy. D: The people in our department are all pretty serious business amazing... geez. XD This is my painting teacher, who is currently giving me hell buying a bajillion supplies. I've spent at LEAST $150 thus far, and there's probably another $200? to go in my future, so huzzah. XD And we're making canvas panels ourselves, and he's real particular about his paints, and being, from the perspective of what other teachers are doing, a pain in the ass. XD But my god, the man can PAINT! I picked him precisely because he paints in the painterly way I can only DREAM of painting like now... so hopefully, HOPEFULLY, this will all go well. XD

Let's see, I've got a guy named Tin for my concept drawing class, an apparently pretty harsh German guy, who is like 'You will do work, and get faster and faster at it!!!' as the goal for the class. The projects sound pretty entertaining too- in-class work mostly, and a 100 page sketchbook to fill. I'm actually stoked to do it, though - I need some motivation to do life drawings!! And I have so much spare time here and there to do it in, it's silly not to!!!
I have typography with an old, cool dude who loves rock and roll, but apparently is going to have us hand-write fonts and such. XD Oh man. XD He seems a good sport, though... XD
And OMG JOSH BISHOP IS MY PHOTOGRAPHY TEACHERRRRRR! XD I loved the past two classes I've had with him, so this is GREAT. XD I always tend to do WAAAY too much work for his class, but that's because I make it that way - and I'm sure he appreciates it... XD I love some of the projects that have come out of his classes the most... so yeah. XD

The only class I haven't had yet is philosophy, which should be... interesting. XD

OH YES AND I HAVE MOVED. D8 And my mom is being AWESOME and not guilting the living daylights out of me, and my dad's been helping me move things. My sister is probably taking it the hardest, wanting to hang out with me whenever I'm there, now. BUT SHE LOST MY COPIC MARKERS IN HER ROOM!!! WHAT??!!! So yeah, she's not borrowing anything else for awhile. : / My mom went in there and saved them for me, I am SOOO HAPPY. XD

I told Erin about this necklace I found a couple weeks ago that I'd lost for a long time, and then another chain I found in a box with a fairy on it, and she was saying that supposedly, fairies can be fickle things and take your stuff- or give it back. D: I'm assuming they didn't like that I hadn't shown my appreciation, and thought they had my markers... XD So I gave them some pound cake at circle as an offering, and I still owe them a zebra cake.. XD I was thinking about it at work when I remembered that my sister had borrowed them - so I'M saying it worked. It may sound like silly superstition, but sometimes.. I mean, how can you explain 'suddenly remembering' like that? XD So I need to show my appreciation that now my markers were found, and are now safe and sound, I should say... XD

Sorry for this post to be all over the place. XD It shall wander some more!
My house is great, my roommates and I are all getting along well (except I don't like the lack of organized kitchen) and I've been just working making sure everything of mine is all together where I want it. XD We had some bug issues in the beginning, and there's a lot of stuff that the other ASSHOLES who rented this place before us did, which we're having to deal with. *sigh*. People can be such jerks. There's a vomit stain on our carpet, for chrissakes. That's just nasty.

And honestly, though my family has been pretty surprisingly cool about everything while I'm moving, I noticed all the usual bickering when I got home, and I'm so glad I don't have to deal with it. It's just... unnecessary stress. :/
On the plus side, my sister's in color guard and going to band camp, so that's really exciting! Things like that.
And my job - my manager, anyway - is really understanding about school, and she says if it gets to be too much, just let them know - because my education is more important than this job. I'm half tempted to just give them my two weeks now, but like the masochist I am, I'm going to stick it out for another week and see what happens. Saturday this past weekend was OK, but Sunday was too much... and I'm not going to get any homework done if my family wants to hang every spare second I have, and augh! XD

Well, we'll see.

It seems like it's going to be a busy semester, but I'm so SO eager to get better at what I do. And I'm SOOOOO glad I have internet now so I can post things, and tell you all about it!! XD

This is an interesting comic for arty people - I watched this chick's comic back in the day WHEN I HAD INTERNET and saw she had this new one up. It's sort of a comment on the artistic process or some such.
It's interesting, and I'm also just stupidly impressed with her drawing. XD

http://www.drunkduck.com/No_Shutup/index.php?p=511068

And HI I'M ALIVE. XD

Work's ok, sister's... ok, I'm starting to pack things, buy lots of stuff like desks and printers and file cabinets, which is all well and good and interesting, I'm just praying I have the room for it all. And the money. I'm calling my landlady tomorrow if she doesn't call me, I swear. She was on vacation last week and now the guy who was in my room should be gone, so we'll see about all of that. Bike needs an inspection...
Etc.
Also been really ADD with projects and wanting to start stuff, coming up with all these ideas and doing nothing. XD
And been working on cosplay! Franziska Von Karma, and Envy....
And being stuck in my house. D:

Oh yeah, and a few weeks back, I guess, maybe a month, I realized I wasn't drawing people with jaws. As in, NO JAWBONE FOR YOU!!! I don't know, for some reason, that piece of the anatomy was just not clicking. It solved SOOOO many problems I had with my work, it was ridiculous. XD
OHOHOHOHO.

Hope summer is finding y'all well. XD Peace OUT!

Just postin' to let you know I'm alive. XD Just busy.

( Haircut, weekend, brain sabotage, today, getting work done, commission!, doll contest that was oddly appropriate, and starfighter lol. XD )
Mmmhmmmmmmmmmm.

So yeah, that's what I'm up to. :D

And now, here to astound you all, is Seir, with one of her (patents pending) EpicPosts©

Here is part one- Sunday December 21, 2008 through Wednesday December 24, 2008.

Sunday: ( Cleaning, cleaning, and religious emo ramblings. Goals in life.... )


Monday:( Visions and Family arguments )


Tuesday:( Notes on life, Sean revelation, the beginning of the sickness onslaught, Flashdance and Cleaning. )



( And Wednesday (really short) )


I severely apologize. D: And there's more! D8

THIS.... oh my word. Is a summary of... what? The past...4 days? WHOAH. AH. TIME GOING BY FAST. GAH GAH.
ANYway... This is what I've been up to. Sorry to put it all in one thing...
It took me 20 minutes to read, so just a heads-up. D: WTF I TALK TOO MUCH. D:
I also have a brief dissertation on Satanism in here somewhere. D: Because I was reminded of it. Lol.
Also, on family and animation and guns and gas masks and music and yadayada AHAHA.
So, here you go. I am NOT emo in this. I don't think. XD Except for the end. XD

( RAMMMMBLLLE! )

Looks like I'm back on the daily-update track. :D Sorry about all that. But hey, it's how I keep in touch. ;D
Hmm... let me sort through the nonsense I wrote today.... D:

I made plans for today... at like, 5 in the morning. XD
( What a schedule looks like to me. )
( Then, I went BATSHIT at myself. Seriously. GAH. )

( Then, I chronicled my day. Pretty blah blah. It was alright. Not very productive. )

( THEN, I went on the internet. I wrote about the rest of my evening, and the state of my brain - which is not good- and postulated why.... Then, I went batshit AGAIN because it took nearly an HOUR to load a 10 MB image up on DA, and I'm really REALLY fucking tired. >:[ )

In brighter, more constructive news, MY VIDEO IS UP!!! :D
I WOKE UP THIS MORNING AND IT WAS UPLOADED!!! THANK GOD!!!

And, I'm now taking SKETCH COMMISSIONS!!! http://seira-chan33.deviantart.com/journal/22025882/
For more details, go to the respective sites. : ]

... Though, I don't know who'd want to commission someone so OBVIOUSLY batshit. I'm making a real great case for myself, yeah? D: At least it's not on DA.... But still. HRRRRRN.
I promise, if you commission me, I'll take it SUPER FUCKING SERIOUSLY. XD Honestly, I will. I'm not going to mess around with people...

Eh, I'd better stop while I'm ahead.

I hope you guys are doing better than I am. I really do. D:
... Please don't worry about me though. I'm ranting and raving right now. I'm going to try and get my shit together, starting with some sleep in about a half an hour. I'm just bleeding and starving mentally, physically, emotionally, partly on my own fault, partly not. Wait, yeah, it is all my fault. WTF. What am I saying. AND DUH, THAT'LL MAKE YOU WORRY MORE, AAAH. (I'm not cutting, just my uterus is having fun times... oi. Blood loss, cramps, and hormones. FUN.) Anyway. I've seen the error of my ways, and since I don't want to feel so motherfucking horrible, I'll get a grip on myself. I'm just full of seething hate to still be AWAKE. DAMMIT.
Ugh, I feel disgusting.

I really hope Eva... didn't do this to me- because of course, everything right now is being seen through an EVA FILTER lol... It made me think, sure. That's not bad. I think, it's the combination of lack of structure and exercise, now that school is out, and the stress of things I put off compounding upon me, finally. And my period. And my house. And not eating enough. It's not the thinking that's getting to me, oddly- it's my INABILITY to think. My basic functioning is failing. I need to fix that. I will...

Ok, now off I go. I'll report how TODAY goes tomorrow... hopefully, better. D8
*EDIT!* THE SISTER GOT UP YAY I CAN HAS SLEEP NOW!!!

WHAT'S SHAKIN'?

As you can see, I've been doing a lot of thinking and writing. Sorry about that.
This is also the first time I've honestly been on the internet in like, 2 weeks, or maybe not, but it's seemed like a damn long time.

This was the response THAT prompted:
( RAAAAAAAAAAAAAEGGG!!! )
AHAHA.

In other news-

I finished all of my finals, thank GOD. My animation final is DONE- finally. XD
I'm pretty proud of it. BUT MY GOD INTERNET IS SLOW GAAAAAAAAH I WISH I COULD SHOW IT TO YOU ALL.

Watched ALLL of the end of Evangelion - the last six episodes, AND the movie- but y'all already know about that. ; ]
Prompting a whole day of thinking. XD

I looked into Buddhism a bit. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Buddhism XD I think I'm somehow a Buddhist without realizing it. I swear, it's one religion I actually agree with, and that hasn't gone batshit. Though, there are sects that make up a bunch of shit. Like 'Pure Land' buddhists, who think if you pray to the Buddha Amitabha that you'll go to some great realm... *shakes head* whatever...

But... yeah. I'd need to look into it more, but... yeah. I'm thinking more along the lines of the Theraveda Buddhists (as opposed to Mahayana) because they try to stay close to canon... XD

Some interesting things I learned, though-
( BLAHBLAHBLAH COPYPASTA, ETC. )

I just find it odd that I've taken this long to find something that makes sense.
But, I don't know if I should totally go for it, since... I don't know. I believe in the philosophies, mostly, but I also question them- but that's part of the philosophy, so.... XD LOLWUT.

I also have no idea if and how you would practice it, if there's a... temple? around here? Or what. 0_o

Also, I feel so WHIIIITE. Like one of these retards thinking 'oh I'll be buddhist cuz it's trendy.' NO. NOO!!! XD

I also wonder if Buddhist values have crept into my life via anime. XD It's possible.

ANYway...
SO.

ALSO, on Saturday night, I got to talk to my mom about some of the stuff in that whole 'Value' entry back there, and... yeah. I realized that... it's just, I don't always think she cares... because she's griping at me, or whatnot. But, in the end, that's just because she does love and care about me, about us. It's how she shows it.

My dad... XD We both were just pretty much like 'WTF' about him. So I don't know.
I think, though, things are going actually OK. It's just, the two of us aren't home very much, so we're like 'what's going on?' lol. XD And, my mom and my sister are getting closer- out of necessity by me not being there so much. So she's realizing mom isn't an ogre, and they can do stuff together too. In a way, it's good, then. I'm passing the torch, so that when I move, everyone will be alright. : ]

So... things are looking up? Sort of?

Except we don't know what dad's problem is. XD I think, we decided, I'll just have to make an effort with him, in the future, in order to get him to talk to me. XD Ah well...

Yesterday, I looked for jobs in the paper. I want to look up more on these 'work from home' things, sewing, or painting or whatnot. The number I called wanted you to buy some directory, but I called shenanigans. So more research is in order.

I went to Crystal's to check out her cat, and get told what to do to watch her. <3 AW COWLAAA. SO CUUTE. I WILL TAKE CARE OF YOUUUU.

And then I came home, put away my laundry I'd neglected for WEEKS, ate dinner, and wrote some more.... XD

Slept on the couch like a dork... then got up at like 1 AM.... XD

Today, I worked on getting my sketch commission stuff set up. It's nearly ready to go... : ] And I found out all I have to do is take the driving test and show I've had my learner's for 30+ days in order to get a license. XD AWESOME!

I was also GOING to go to some job fair about a factory job, it sounded like? But mom was asleep, and was saying she didn't know if I'd like to do shift work. Which, during school, that would be a concern... but I still wanted to check it out.
Then I fell asleep again from... noon to four? Three? D8 So there went that. :/

I worked on my drawing I did for one of my finals, since my parents want to clean up a bunch of the stuff I was drawing to set up for christmas. I got it mostly done- will finish....

Watched Invader Zim, ate spaghetteh. :B NOM. And I GOT TO USE TEH INTERNET LOLZ.

YEAY.

Ugh, I want to randomly draw Eva and Naruto fanart, and color with copics, but I know I have so much shit to do gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. And CHRISTMAS MY LORD YOU SNEAKY BASTARD. I have so much to doooooooo.... D:

Ah well, enough complaining. : ] I'll just keep chugging away at it...
The stress is building up and getting me frazzled. I need to just see what to do, and do it. Oi....... I'll try. <: ]

Bill Cosby... was at my school today... and I saw him.

DDD8
I can hardly believe it.

He gave a lecture- with a lot of humor, and some rambling and then getting back to the point. But it was great.

The underlying message was value yourself, value your children, value your parents. Change has to start with ourselves.

He's totally right.

( Last epic rant emo sad post for awhile, I swear. I've been laying off it for a couple of weeks... )

Written yesterday afternoon:

Agh.

Point being, I entirely don't know where I stand.
I don't know what's real.
I don't know if I'm overreacting, if they are, if we all are, if I'm lying to myself, if I'm lying to you guys, if they're misunderstanding or I am, what. Maybe a fucked up combination of it all.

But... what am I really like? Am I an obsequious person who bows down to everyone and is mortified to hurt anyone's feelings? Or am I an inconsiderate, self-centered person whose world revolves around what she needs and wants to do, saying things without thinking how they affect people?
I can see myself being both.

Who motivates me- others, or myself?

And, of the people motivating me, who is right?
You guys tell me to stop apologizing-
and for my family, no matter how much I apologize, it's never enough.

I don't know. I think, though, I apologize about shit that doesn't matter, and DON'T apologize about things that matter to other people, because I didn't even realize it was a problem. Which makes me paranoid that I'm somehow offending almost everyone I come into contact with.... D:

( ramble ramble ramble )

Today's addition:
I feel like I'm blind to what's real. And also, like I'm being cast into roles- like I said, the victim and the villian. I don't want to act out my life- I want to live it. I don't want to play along with what other people think of me. But it's hard to see myself as just a human with many different facets when other people only see some of them- and I hate that I'm not making them all visible.
I don't know whether or not you guys just haven't noticed how selfish I am, or if I even am that way at all.

*headdesk*

I don't have time for this.

( WHY. )

I don't think it will do what I want it to do. Meaning, I might just have to can the idea I had. Which is a fucking shame. GODDAMN FUCKING DAMMIT.
AND PHOTOSHOP RETARDED UP ALL THE WORK I DID IN THE COMMONS TODAY AND ALKHASDGKHADGLSKLKDGKLHSG AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH.

It left me with saying FUCK YOU to every program I was closing out of in class.

IT WON'T IMPORT ANYTHING PROPERLY AT AAAAALLLL. DAMN FLASH.

RRRRRRRRRRRRGH.
Frustration.

Finals time!
I have 2 (er, 1.5) days before a CV and all my figure drawings are due.
Friday... will be so busy... D:
So I have practically 2 days this weekend to do another, massive drawing.
Then I have a flash animation due next Tuesday
And FINALLY, the Kragsyde trailer animation of doom, due next Friday, that I am SOOOOOO far behind on.

I'm just going to go die now, I'll call you guys back when I'm reincarnated.

HEY SCRATCH THAT - CV DUE NEXT TUESDAY NOW YESSSSS.

SO!
Tomorrow night, the KI department is having their 'Show Your Stuff Nite'- 5-8 PM in the basement of that-building-in-which-we-have-classes. XD The Terrace. ANYway, there's supposed to be FREE FOOD there, and the projects I've done for my animation class are going to be shown, along with my classmates' work, and... whatever else people decide to put in. XD I've heard rumors about a projection out in front of the building too. 8D

So, if you can come, that would be AWESOME. This is... pretty much the first show I've ever shown in! XD AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!! I can only come for the first hour because I have class from 6-8 [le sniff] but yeah...
Meant to post about this sooner, but I forgot. D8 So sorry... But I thought I'd give you guys a heads up tonight instead of tomorrow, you know?

AWESOMMMME!!!! XD

( Here, have some hyper-crazy. I rant about cool stuff happening, driving, movies, Eva, ETC. ETC. READ ETTTTTT. XD ... Upon rereading it, I see that I think something in my mind must have busted. There is no sane excuse for that many 'AHAHAHAHA's and 'AWESOME's... XD )

SO COME TO SHOW YOUR STUFF NITE IF YOU CAN KTHXBYE.

Life update!

( Read more... )

The internet is TOTALLY DEAD at my house, and I wish it wasn't so. For once, I'm thankful for VCU internet. XD

So yeah. I'm not being rude, I'm just super duper busy this week, and MY INTERNET IS DEAD AAARRRFGH.

AND PEOPLE HAVE BEEN PESTERING US FOR 3 DAYS AND EGGED US LAST NIGHT. >X [[[[ RAEG.

Ah- but I voted!! First presidential election EVAR. Woot woot.
I ended up voting Obama- despite my reservations about anything and anyone 'popular,' he just made more sense in his policies to me. XD Generally. JA...

AND THEN MY PARENTS VOTED MCCAIN. BOTH of them!!!! WHAT. They didn't trust Obama, basically, thought he was a ploy... : / Even though usually, they're like 'Republicans, UGH.' What. WHAT.

Ah well. We'll see who wins this election, and then how they actually decide to run the country.

For some reason, I get the sinking feeling it's going to be whoever 'they' wanted it to be all along. :/ :/ :/ These things have been skewed before.